What happens when you finally speak out about something that’s weighed on you for decades? For 40 years Mark lived in silence about the sexual abuse he suffered as a child. But today, thanks to National Lottery funded charity Speak Out Scotland (SOS), Mark has not only been empowered to share his story, he’s also supporting other survivors.

Carrying the burden

Throughout Mark’s life the abuse was always lurking in the background. He explained: “In the past I used alcohol and drugs to forget everything that had happened to me as a child. I would pull my own toenails off because it was the only thing I felt like I was in control of. I wasn’t able to get on and off public transport and I would lock myself away in my home.

“I used to wonder why my abuser picked me. I wondered if they had seen something in me or if they realised I was gay. I even wondered if it was them that made me gay. All these crazy thoughts go through your head when you are a male victim of sexual abuse. A part of me used to hope I imagined it. But I knew deep down it was just denial.”

Finally seeking support

Following the death of his mother, Mark’s mental health plummeted. He was eventually sent for an appointment with a community psychiatric nurse who put him in contact with Speak Out Scotland, Scotland’s only service dedicated to supporting male survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

“I started to have weekly calls from an SOS councillor and a wellbeing officer who was checking up on me. SOS helped me with everything from benefits to getting a new home so that I could have the space and stability to concentrate on healing.

“I’ve been coming to SOS for five years now, and I regularly attend the peer-to-peer groups with other male survivors. There is a wide range of ages in the group, the youngest was 14 when he joined, and the oldest was 84. You wouldn’t think that guys from such different stages of life would get on, but we all understand each other.”

Looking to the future

Mark’s outlook for the future has transformed since he started getting support. He now volunteers helping facilitate the meetings for the peer to peer group and is doing an access course to become a counsellor. Mark also goes into prisons to speak to the inmates that have approached the chaplain to say they were sexually abused.

“I listen to them, tell them about the support and let them know that I am a survivor myself. I tell them how things do get better but that you’ve got to apply yourself. Before SOS I was just rotting away in the house but now what I’m doing is productive and positive and helping others.”

Barriers faced by survivors

According to a 2021 survey one in six men report having had unwanted direct sexual contact with an older person by the age of 16 but many find it difficult to seek help.

Mark explained: “For many men the main problem is embarrassment. You feel ashamed that you were in that position where somebody has taken advantage of you. A lot of men look back and wonder why would I have let that happen? I must have been weak. It is so important to remember you were only a child. Don’t judge yourself as an adult.

“Being able to speak to people freely about my abuse for the first time at SOS was very cathartic. The bottom line is at SOS you’re not alone, you can say what you want to say and nobody judges you.

“Sharing my story and getting the help to make changes in my life have been such powerful things for me. Just knowing that the guys are there at the end of the phone if I need them. I still get bad days but the good outweigh the bad now.”

Speak Out Scotland

Speak Out Scotland was founded in 2009 to address the lack of tailored support for men who have been abused. Thanks to an award of £148,236, they have been able to increase the organisation’s capacity.

Founder and CEO of Speak Out Scotland, James Evans, said: “Our service is run by survivors for survivors. By providing a safe space for men to share their experiences, we are breaking down stigma and helping accelerate their recovery. We can’t keep up with demand for our services and that’s why support from The National Lottery Community Fund is so crucial.

“We’re not just helping survivors, but changing societal attitudes towards mental health and abuse.”

If you would like to know more about our funding and how we might be able to support your own organisation visit our Fairer Life Chances webpage.